musings, ramblings, lalalalife

Thursday, April 19

and i thought i was crazy

these last few nights are some of the most important nights of my life at work, and i'm just letting some guy i used to like a lot and his scary girlfriend-like-friend ruin things for me. uggghhhh.

it all started earlier this week when this sad-looking older chinese girl i've always suspected this guy to be more than friends with added me in facebook, and though it appears this guy recently deleted her from his friends list, he is our only common friend-friend, so i left him a short message asking who this girl is.

to make the long story short, this guy explained in an email that he met the girl a long time ago and just moved to her country to see if they can work on building a relationship. everything went well, according to him, until this girl started "going crazy and getting upset for no reason or for the smallest things". he said he didn't realize his being unsure about committing 100% to her since the beginning of time was a bad sign, and that even though he knew it was wrong to keep in touch with me without telling me the truth whenever i asked if he already met some1, he still did...

because he's a butthole!!!

while it was fun getting to know him and flirting with him, i'm the 1 who ends up hurt the most. i'm also the 1 who ends up with the "L" on my forehead because no matter how he says he'd like to still be friends and keep talking with me now that he doesn't want anything to do with this psycho girl or how more worried he is of offending me than this girl, this guy never really had real feelings for me and was only using me for his entertainment and to feed his ego... plus this girl thinks i am sleeping with him!

for crying out loud, lady, you 2 are in freakin' taiwan! so how in the name of my late grandpa's underpants am i supposed to sleep with some1 in another country??? and with some1 i haven't even seen or talked to in forever?!

just goes to show...

well, i know girls can be horrible when it comes to keeping their guys because i grew up in a big family dominated by women, went to all-girl and feminist schools, and have had bad experiences with guys who tricked me into hanging out with them once and having their evil girlfriends wrongly accusing me of stealing their jerk boyfriends. but if some1 isn't even some1's girlfriend, and she thinks her guy is cheating with you, and she adds you and your friends in facebook, and you've had some1 throw a dead cat outside your bedroom window or pay a druggie to follow you around all day before, you'd probably understand my irrational fear of an angry older chinese girl who's far away.

but it's not just that. it's many things, too, and many other things. there's humiliation, mostly ~ and i don't know how i can even show any1 my face ~ and heartbreak because i still liked him much after so long, and part self-hate and shame, and a little anger towards malekind. grrrr.

can you believe i've been losing sleep and missing meals and carrying unnecessary stress over poop hitting the fan between some1 i used to really like and his girlfriend-like-friend? no1 knows i've been unable to focus on anything and messing up at work on some of the most important nights on the job just because of their scary fights.

Sunday, April 15

i've never believed in love at 1st sight

not until i 1st laid eyes on this little guy.

the family's temporarily calling him CL.

he's a really cool baby. he didn't give my cousin a hard time delivering him. he smells nice, too, and makes funny faces in his sleep, and sleeps like a small log. hehe.

so far, that's all i know about our youngest nephew. and that he's only a few hours old. and that he's clearly going to be chinky like most of us in the clan. and that everybody's going to want to hold him.